Van Gogh is my Master

I was really frustrated with my too perfect style. I wanted to loosen up and create a more abstracted style. I have still not finished this painting, I hated the pearls and the sweater and I didn’t know how to do the background. I was just so frustrated. So then I didn’t finish, I started a new 6 ft tall painting from the same photo shoot. I was ok with painting the clothes and shoes….then I got the the face….and I hated it. I don’t want to paint in a more photo realistic style, of course I didn’t know this at the time.

I stopped painting for months and it felt like I couldn’t do anything. I felt frozen in my creativity. I didn’t know how to move forward. I was looking at some videos on YouTube and watched a 3 or 4 hr video about vangogh and I just felt inspired. We did these repainting of the old masters in university and I thought, well I don’t paint anything like vangogh and I love the texture he uses, maybe it would help me to losen up and try something new. I also don’t paint landscapes, I suck at them. So I bought 6 cheap value canvases (18×24”) I also had to buy colbalt blue, viridian and emerald green. I bought some small cheap tubes of oil paint and I started painting. ( Side note, not all viridian greens are the same colour….I actually ended up buying one…hating it and bought a different one) I painted 3 and really wanted to paint his Iris painting actual size or close to actual size. ( I actually saw the painting in California at the Getty in 2019. ) I wanted to just buy another cheap canvas from Michaels but they didn’t have any that were close to the aspect I needed. So I decided to just make one, the same exact size. I did not know what I was getting myself into the painting is way more complex….and the size… it’s 3- 4 times the size I was painting. I was not prepared, it took forever, it is a wayyyy more complicated compared to all the other ones I painted. It took me weeks, but I was obsessed. It was hard determining the colours to use and how to even layer the paint because vangogh didn’t layer paint….well not in the way I did. One thing I couldn’t do was leave a blank canvas underneath(little spots) and I don’t have the same surety he had. While I was painting I was confused with some of his colour choices too. I started out hating viridian….but now I love it. It makes such beautiful turquoise variations. Now that I am done I feel like I literally have a Van Gogh in my home. I now want to make another one of actual size.

I am not on my final vangogh, it’s a self portrait that I have always loved. At first it was a mind boggle but now…it’s so fun and beautiful. I can see why his art is so beloved, it is mastery.